I’M AT THAT age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 45, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m not dead yet. Old friend Arnie DeLuca said “There is no limit to aging humor.” He sent me this list of interesting and perhaps true thoughts on our now older age.

For example, you don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then, try to get back up. I’ve even had people offer to help me get up out of a rocking chair. It’s weird being the same age as old people. It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.

The pandemic has been especially hard. Having plans sounds like a good idea, until you have to put on clothes and leave the house. I see people about my age mountain climbing. I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Regardless of your age, I think we can all agree that in 2015, not a single person got the answer correct to “Where do you see yourself five years from now?” I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out. When I was a child, I wanted to be older. This is not what I expected.

Matthew McConaughey said “Now, more than ever before, we’re more dependent on each other than we ever have been. But we have an enemy in coronavirus that is faceless, ‘race-less,’ sexless, nondenominational and bipartisan. It is an enemy we are going to beat using the values we can all get behind: values of fairness, kindness, accountability, resilience, respect and courage.”

The times have coined the word “coronacoaster,” a noun. It means the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day, you’re loving your bubble, doing workouts, baking banana bread every three days and going for long walks, and the next, you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don’t even like.

I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event. I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do, it’s usually because I missed my exit. How many of us have looked around our family reunion and thought “Well aren’t we just two clowns short of a circus?”

We’re spending so much time at home we have time to worry about how our smartphone or TV might be spying on us. Don’t worry, your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years. At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity? As in “That’s a load of 2020” or “What in the 2020?”

People of a certain age can assure you, if your back hurts bad enough, you’ll believe in anything. Stephen Hawking observed “We are all different, but we share the same human spirit. Perhaps it’s human nature that we adapt and survive.”

It is wise to heed the advice “At your age, never sing in the shower.” Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked so don’t sing. I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say “wow,” that many times in your first session, but here we are.

During the Middle Ages, they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies. Does anyone know if there is anything planned when this one ends? It’s just a fact. We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information crammed into our heads.

Here’s a thought. If you can’t think of a word, say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot. A marriage counselor asked “Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?” The confused husband replied “To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.”