A FRIEND ASKED me recently if I was associated with the OWLS.

“Who?” I asked.

“You know, the ‘older, wiser, laughing souls,’ ” he said.

It’s a brotherhood of elderly men who have discovered wisdom from their experience being a grandpa. Here’s a sample of what OWLS have learned.

Whether a man winds up with a nest egg or goose egg depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.

Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earning his salt that he forgets his sugar.

Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.

When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.

On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past, but never the present.

A foolish husband says to his wife “Honey, you stick to the washing, ironing, cooking and scrubbing. No wife of mine is gonna work.”

The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up.

Many girls like to marry a military man. He can cook, sew, make beds, is in good health and already used to taking orders.

Eventually, you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember algebra.

I don’t know how I got over the hill without ever getting to the top.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Old age is when former classmates are so gray, wrinkled and bald, they don’t recognize you.

If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you are old.



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WHAT DO you say when asked “Why do you go to church?”

Did you know that Bible simply means “basic instructions before leaving earth?”

If you are spiritually alive, you’re going to love this. If you’re spiritually dead, you won’t want to read it. If you’re spiritually curious, there is still hope.

A churchgoer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. He wrote “I’ve gone for 30 years now and in that time, I have heard something like 3,000 sermons, but for the life of me, I can’t remember a single one of them.

“So I think I’m wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all.”

The letter started a real controversy in the newspaper’s column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher.

“I’ve been married for 30 years now. In that time, my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals, but for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals.

“But I do know this, they all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today.

“Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today.”

As we approach the holidays, thank God for our physical and spiritual nourishment.