Not that you asked, but . . . - Vilas County News-Review

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Mr. 0.500

Ricky Vaughn: What’s that **** on your chest?

Eddie Harris: Crisco. Bardol. Vagisil. Any one of ‘em will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. ‘Course if the umps are watching me close I just rub a little jalapeño juice up my nose, get it runnin’, and

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Fire and ice

“Camaraderie doesn’t happen by accident; developing a strong sense of trust, accountability, and togetherness around team goals requires intentional effort.” —Don Yaeger

My late Nana was fond of quoting the sage old adage that

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The ties that bind

“In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.” —Friedrich Nietzsche

It’s been famously said that the family that prays together stays together. It’s also been said by some that the family that plays together stays together.

The Siler family of

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‘Welcome Home Tree’

“Ye cannot see the wood for the trees.” —English dramatist John Heywood, 1546.

It’s often been said that one can’t see the forest for the trees — they’re not seeing the big picture for their myopic, tunnel-visioned focus on minutiae.

But in my case, I

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I resolve . . .

“Now is the accepted time to make your regular good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” —Mark Twain

Pop. Fizz. Clink.

I don’t know about you, but

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Five-alarm Christmas

“Because of our traditions, we’ve kept our balance for many, many years . . . and because of our traditions . . . every one of us knows who he is.”—Tevye, “Fiddler on the Roof,” 1971.

Few times of the year are more steeped in tradition than Christmas, that

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That’s amore!

“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.” –Andrew W.K.

With the year slipping inexorably toward the turn of the calendar page to January 2022, I’m left wondering when the futuristic 2015 “Back to the Future” Black & Decker pizza rehydrator is

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Purple haze

“All the other colors are just colors, but purple seems to have a soul — when you look at it, it’s looking back at you.” —Terri Guillemets

With last month’s transition back to standard time, I was making my zero dark thirty early bird morning commute to the office when I was unexpectedly bathed in an eerie and other-worldly yet pleasantly soothing purple light in

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Time paradox

An interesting question was posed the other day — the sort of question, in the words of the 1968 Noel Harrison song, that appeals to the circles that I find in the windmills of my mind.

“If you had a time machine, would you rather

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Musky tales revisited

“Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don’t tell them where they know the fish.” —Mark Twain

It’s said the toothy and elusive muskellunge, a fickle biter, is “the fish of 10,000 casts.” The ambush apex predator, Wisconsin’s state fish since 1955, may well be the fish of

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Veterans Day

“Perhaps you and I have lived too long with this miracle to properly be appreciative. Freedom is a fragile thing and it’s never more than one generation away from extinction. It is not ours by way of inheritance; it must be fought for and defended constantly by each generation, for it comes only once to a people. And

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Call of the open road

Sally Carrera: Forty years ago, that interstate down there didn’t exist.

Lightning McQueen: Really?

Sally: Yeah. Back then, cars

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Old newshound, new tricks

“I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that’s why Bill Gates is rich and Underwood is out of business.” —Andy Rooney (1919-2011), American radio and television writer

While the newspaper you’re holding in your hands has a familiar look, for those of us behind the pages this week’s edition represents

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Halloween hauls

“Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night.” —Steve Almond, American short story writer

One of the great things about being an adult is

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Flipping the calendar

“Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November. When short February’s done, all the rest have thirty-one.” —Traditional verse mnemonic

I owe a lot to

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Sparking joy — or not

Lorelai Gilmore: Mom, what is going on here?
Emily Gilmore: I’m decluttering my life. I was starting to feel claustrophobic. I’d wake up in the night feeling like the house is closing in on me. One of the ladies in my garden club bought this book, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” She

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That volunteer spirit

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” –Helen Keller

It’s been said that volunteerism is one of the most selfless acts that people can get involved in.
Indeed, nonprofit organizations like

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Out of my gourd

“Pumpkin spice lattes are eggnog for morning people.” —John Oliver

The coming and going of National Pumpkin Spice Latte Day on Aug. 24, coupled with shortening days and lengthening nights, crisp mornings, colorful North Woods “Colorama” season celebrations and last week’s advent of

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Brew October

“The one constant through all the years . . . has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it’s a part of our past . . . It reminds of us of all that once was good and

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Band of brothers

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."—John 15:12-13

And so it was on a bright, sunny day in New York City 20 years ago that

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Seasons of change

“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of the earth.” —Henry David Thoreau “Walden: Or, Life in the Woods”

Even after having moved out of the hustle and bustle of Concord to

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Wild ride

“There’s no earthly way of knowing. Which direction we are going. There’s no knowing where we’re rowing. Or which way the river’s flowing. Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a blowing? Not a speck of light is showing. So the danger must be growing. Are the fires of hell a-glowing? Is the grisly reaper mowing? Yes! The danger must be growing. For the rowers keep on rowing. And they’re certainly not showing any signs that they are slowing!”
— Willy Wonka, “Willy Wonka
and the Chocolate Factory,” 1971

When it comes to medical care, sometimes the cure is worse than the illness. In my case, the cure was definitely worse than the illness that had found me seeking medical care.
I had been dispatched on my way

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At the brownstone

“The avoidance of idiocy should be the primary and constant concern of every intelligent person.” —Nero Wolfe

A “just because” present from my wife appeared on the dining room table at dinner the other evening.
From the size and feel of the package, I deduced the contents to be

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Information two-laner

“I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.” —Yogi Berra

If the internet is the I-39 information superhighway, the musty hard-bound encyclopedias of yore are the retro-nostalgic two-laner U.S. Highway 51 of my childhood as it lazily wound its way Up North past Windmill Ice Cream Shoppe on the scenic shores of

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Muskie heads ’n’ tales

“If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.” —Doug Larson

In the words of legendary late American radio news commentator Paul Harvey, there’s “the rest of the story.” And

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Muskie tails - er, tales

“Dear Lord, give me the serenity to accept the size of fish I catch, the courage not to lie about it and the wisdom to know that none of my fishing buddies would believe me anyway!”—Fisherman’s Serenity Prayer

They say the notoriously difficult-to-catch muskellunge, a fickle biter, is “the fish of 10,000 casts.” Not surprisingly, it’s

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Lasso the moon

“What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.” —George Bailey, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” 1946

George Bailey may still want to woo Mary Hatch with the moon, but

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Lazy, crazy, hazy days

“Summer will end soon enough, and childhood as well.” — George R.R. Martin

With sunny skies, gentle breezes and temperatures in the mid-70s, the weather last Thursday was a central casting picture-perfect summer day.
A veritable feast for the senses, the

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The stories live on

“I began to reflect on the wonders of these ordinary people whose lives were laced with the markings of greatness.” —Tom Brokaw, “The Greatest Generation”

Duty, honor, country, those principles were among the common values of the

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Beauty for a day

“A lily of a day is fairer far in May, although it fall and die that night, it was the plant and flower of light. In small proportions we just beauties see, and in short measures life may perfect be.” —“The Nobel Nature” by

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Sis-boom-bah!

“If you’re not in the parade, you watch the parade. That’s life.” —Mike Ditka

On the front end of summer, the solemn observation of Memorial Day provides a chance for reflection at war memorials and cemeteries for those who

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There’s always next year

Will this be the year I finally quaff from my dusty Brewers glass?

“All I do is write their names on the lineup card and let them play. It’s not a tough job. I

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LIFE’S A GAS FOR PETROLEUM MUSEUM CURATOR

“I swear to God, if my kids, when they’re 18, if they come to me and say, ‘Dad, I love pumping gas. I...

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Adventures with Finn. Or, what’s in a name?

Mater: My name is Mater.
Lightning McQueen: Mater?
Mater: Yeah, like “Tuh-Mater,” but

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ONE MAN. TWO TRUMPETS. MANY STORIES.

Even in retirement, unsinkable ‘Skip’ Wagner still sets sail for fun

Johnny Carson: “Who’s the funniest person you’ve ever heard?”

Bill Murray: “Well, it’s

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Back in the drive-in days

“When I was a kid, the only way I saw movies was from the back seat of my family’s car at the drive-in.”—Forest Whitaker, American actor

Having logged 14 years in the North Woods, I’ve made my share of round-trip runs between Boulder Junction and Rhinelander as a Shopko devotee.
Driving along Highway 17 during a visit to Rhinelander for an interview and photo shoot last week, I

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‘Two weeks to flatten the curve’

“If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.” —Johnny Carson

Marking the one-year anniversary of “two weeks to flatten the curve” of the roller-coaster COVID-19 global pandemic, the world is looking a little different these days, and

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The bottom drops out of the thermometer

“I’m Mr. White Christmas, I’m Mr. Cool. I’m Mr. Icicle, I’m Mr. 10 Below.” —Snow Miser “The Year Without Santa Claus,” 1974

With my thermometer in Boulder Junction reaching an eye-popping minus 33 last week, stepping outdoors brought to my mind the 1980 film, “The

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Little things, big memories

“Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” —Winnie the Pooh

I was recently reminded of that sage observation by British author A.A. Milne’s “silly old bear” at, of all places, the Minocqua Walmart, as I spied a small glass forcing vase in the floral cooler sporting the poster child Charlie Brown tree of spring harbingers: an

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Growing branches on the family tree

“Family history is a perishable commodity. It disappears with time, as memories fade, and as loved ones pass on.” —Guy Black

It’s said that genealogy is like a mirror. You start looking into it and interesting faces begin to appear.
One of the faces — or at least names — to appear out of the foggy mists of time as I’ve explored my own family history over the years is

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The long and winding road

“Chase your dreams but always know the road that will lead you home again.” —Ziad K. Abdelnour

I chased my dreams and ultimately U.S. Highway 51 led me back home again to the North Woods, now wordsmithing at the Vilas County News-Review after a

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