Will Maines - Vilas County News-Review
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  • THIS RETIREMENT THING isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. I, for one, am exhausted by it.
    When you think of retirement, you might well think of Ma and Pa Kettle finally selling the farm for 10 million bucks to a speculator who incorrectly thinks there is a vast deposit of gold under the back cornfield and then, using that money to
  • IT’S AMAZING WHAT you’ll see when you spend some time outdoors.
    In 71 years of roaming this planet, I have been fortunate enough to see plenty of amazing things while fishing, hunting, camping, skiing, snowshoeing or doing anything else that has put me in
  • A MILLION THINGS to do and not much time to do them.
    Any sportsman who has embarked on a mission involving fish, wild animals, beer or wild women knows that a lot of preparation must be taken care of before
  • “THE BEAT GOES on. Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain.” 

    —Sonny and Cher, 1967

    So sang
  • WHEN AUGUST ROLLS around, something happens to me every year, just like clockwork. It is ready to happen to me again as we speak.
    Though we haven’t seen much of cool days yet, the calendar says they will visit us soon. I spend much of my days counting down the time until they do because certain as
  • SOMETIMES, YOU FEEL like a road trip; sometimes, you don’t.
    My lovely wife and I have been taking a lot of road trips this summer, mostly Sunday afternoons, more often than not to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and
  • HOW DOES A fishing and blueberry picking expedition to the Boundary Waters of Minnesota turn into being a best man at a campground wedding, you ask? Easily, is the answer.
    Last week, I took a trip to
  • OVER THE PAST few weeks, it seems that I have become a guru of sorts; a Mr. Miyagi kind of guy.
    Three times in recent days, I have fished with six friends, new and old, none of them more than the age of 11. Two had never held a fishing rod in their hands before. Two had fished one or two times before. Two had more ice fishing experience than open water and, according to
  • ANOTHER SUNDAY, ANOTHER afternoon road trip.
    Maybe this stuff that’s been plaguing the world since late February is not all bad. It has at least put me and my lovely wife in an almost weekly mood to hit the road to see
  • LIONS, TIGERS AND bears, I’ve seen ’em all this summer. OK, so I haven’t seen lions or tigers, but I have come across two bears so far and scads of other wildlife characters.
    Spring and summer are great times to watch wildlife at its best. The parade of
  • YOU CAN’T BEAT a day fishing with young kids.
    That has long been my experience, except in a few instances when I had kids in my boat who were, in polite terms, a royal pain in the butt. The two kids I fished with last Friday were
  • DO YOU REMEMBER the story of Clark Griswold organizing the “hap-hap-happiest” Christmas ever for his dysfunctional family? Of course you do. Everyone knows the story of the Griswolds.
    Well, like Clark, I had a dream this spring of
  • SUNDAY WAS FATHER’S Day. Sunday  also was waterfalls day. And as much as anything, Sunday became Flower Power Day.
    My wife and I have lately been proving that the more things change, the more they stay the same. We are of a generation for whom Sunday afternoon was a time for taking leisurely drives in the country. For many, that
  • SANITY HAS PREVAILED, at least for a little while.
    Sometime, on a sunny, warm day back on Feb. 22, a certain person decided that no sane person at the age of 70 would subject himself to the rigors of skiing 34 miles over rugged terrain in a single day ever again. Remember these words: never,
  • SOMETIMES YOU JUST have to get out of Dodge. Last weekend was one of those times for my lovely wife and me.
    We fled north- and westward to familiar country. In the winter, we see a piece of this country where many thousands of skiers gather to celebrate and challenge the world-class cross-country race known as
  • IN THESE DAYS of uncertainty, one thing has remained certain. Friends are always there for you. My wife and I have welcomed friends, some old, some new, over the past few weeks.
    Last week, we
  • OUR LONG WINTER of discontent may finally be nearing an end. At least as far as camping in Wisconsin state parks and forests, it might be.
    So far, I missed out on trout fishing and camping in Florence and Bayfield counties because of national forest campground closures, and my wife and I will have missed out on camping with
  • I HAVE BEEN blessed during the entirety of my life. Practically from the time I was born, I had parents who rapidly and repeatedly introduced me to the joys of an outdoor life.
    I had a mother who taught me how to
  • IN THE WORDS of Meat Loaf: “Two out of three ain’t bad.” In my words, one out of two ain’t bad. Don’t know what Meat Loaf would say about my words, but I’ll stand by ’em.
    After a highly successful turkey hunt here in April, with a beautiful gobbler to show for it, I
  • EVERY FISHING EXPEDITION has its own story.
    Some are better than others. Some take longer in the telling than others. Some rely on foibles and mishaps to enhance the telling. Some are stories of success; some have nothing but
  • THEY SAY THREE is the charm. I say not always, but thank goodness for No. 4.
    Snow still on the ground in places, cold, windy, overcast; it didn’t matter last week when opening day for my seven-day turkey season began. At 4:45 opening morning, I was in the woods wondering
  • THE MONTHS OF March and April are a time for planning. Beginning in May, it’s a time for doing.
    As usual, I have spent the past several weeks planning big things for May, June and beyond. As you might expect, much of the planning has revolved around fishing and camping. Now, with what we are going through, some of those plans have
  • IT WAS A beautiful afternoon for paddling a kayak around West Plum Lake. There was a brisk wind out of the west that had pushed every cloud out of the sky and a bright sun shone from above. It was 60 degrees, according to my truck’s thermometer reading.
    That was last Saturday and as of today, we are
  • “ALL I HAVE To Do Is Dream,” The Everly Brothers taught me that way back in 1960. It is a lesson I learned all those years ago and it has come in very handy in recent weeks.
    Last weekend, my wife and I had to
  • “THE BEAT GOES on.” Sonny and Cher had it right. America’s favorite couple, at least for a while, had a major hit in 1967 with that song. The beat does indeed go on.
    That could be said for
  • IN THESE DARK days and I don’t mean weather wise, it is difficult to maintain a sunny disposition. In a short time, true cabin fever begins to set in for people unable to do the things they like to do like going to a movie, eating at a restaurant or going shopping without worrying that they may come carrying a virus that may
  • SOMETIMES IT FEELS good just to touch bare ground. Those sometimes for me are usually when the first days of thawing in March open up some small patches of bare ground underneath pine trees and on south-facing hillsides.
    I know it isn’t much, but
  • AS BOB HOPE used to sing “Thanks for the memories.” No, I’m not thanking any humans this time around, though many have contributed to my memory bank over the years. And no, I’m not saying thanks for the memories because I’m going to quit writing a weekly column. I have no plans for that.
    This thank you for the memories is directed to
  • WISCONSIN’S RURAL SMALL towns are famous for the many festivals and events they put on each year — events that bring thousands of people to participate in bike, running, ski, snowmobile and other competitions along with street fairs and other such tourist attractions.
    The towns in our neck of the North Woods are
  • THE OLD BODY just ain’t what it used to be. After finishing my 20th 55-kilometer American Birkebeiner, I’m more than sure my 70-year-old body is not even close to what it used to be.
    Sun and blue skies shone down upon
  • THE WATER IS cold, icy cold, as the early-season trout fisherman, knee deep in the calm waters of a treasured spring pond, stands off the chill with insulated waders.
    Strands of misty fog rise lazily from the pond’s surface, giving
  • SOMETIMES, SURPRISES IN your life pop up when you least expect them. Reckon maybe that’s why they call them surprises?
    Last week, coming home from an afternoon of skiing, I found what turned out to be a very nice surprise waiting for me. It was a cardboard box propped up against my garage entrance door. Inside was a
  • WHO WOULD’VE thunk it? The fourth Saturday of February, in 1984, more than 6,500 skiers lined up in Duffy’s Field just outside of Hayward for the start of the American Birkebeiner. I was one of those skiers.
    Even before I started, the plan was for that Birkie to be my one and done. As it turned out, I
  • THE SPIRIT IS still strong and willing, but the flesh is getting a little weak. Normally, I might be saying that about myself, but after a Sunday afternoon 2-mile walk with my dogs, I’m sad to say it’s beginning to be a little evident that I have to say it about 11-year-old Molly, our faithful golden retriever.
    She has loved to go on long walks, runs and
  • PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO follow trails through the woods are much like a bear with a sniff of a honey tree. Unable to resist the lure of a footpath through the forest, hikers, much like the bear tracking the honey tree, follow their nose wherever it may take them.
    I am one of those people. I have been wandering the woods in our north Wisconsin country for a long, long time. By the age of
  • THE INKY BLACKNESS SWIRLS around you and the light predawn breeze swishes gently through the woods surrounding you.
    You see vague shapes and forms looming up in front of you, one looking like a deer standing still as a statue, another like a man stretching his arms high after just rolling out of a sleeping bag. In full light, those forms will turn out to be
  • THE COUNTDOWN HAS BEGUN in earnest. In just six weeks, I will fit boots to bindings on cross-country skis before setting out to complete my 20th American Birkebeiner ski race.
    Looking back, I can’t help but think it’s ironic that a person who skied his first Birkie in 1984, with the intent of
  • DOES ANYONE HERE KNOW exactly what they will be doing come 5 a.m., Wednesday, April 22? I do.
    That morning will mark the opening day of my Wisconsin season for spring turkey hunting and at 5 a.m., I will be well into the woods heading for a place where I have killed
  • MOST PEOPLE BELIEVE Santa Claus only comes to visit once a year; that visit coming Christmas Eve. I know better and I have proof.
    I have seen Santa at many times of the year. Well, OK, maybe I didn’t actually see him; at least not in his red suit and black boots, with white beard flowing and accompanied by
  • NOT ALL STORIES ARE told with words put on paper. Not all stories are told with words spoken by humans.
    Some of the best, most compelling and awesome stories are told in silence, with marks in the snow and eerie sounds penetrating dark, nighttime air.
    Just recently, my wife and I listened to one of those stories being told. It was
  • THERE IS ENJOYING the outdoors and then, there is really enjoying the beauty of the outdoors wherever you might find it.
    Sometimes, the outdoors is simply looking out your window, watching chickadees and nuthatches go to work on the suet bag and sunflower seed feeder you have set out to satisfy their need for food, and
  • SNOW, SNOW, GO AWAY. Seems to me that has a familiar ring to it, except it’s usually during the summer when it’s rain and everyone wants sunshine.
    My gripes about the past several days of moving snow are just like those of everyone else, but the truth of the matter is this is not the first early December with snow like this and it 
  • IF A 12-YEAR-OLD BOY had been granted his one biggest wish of a lifetime the morning of November 18, 1961, he would have slayed his first whitetail buck opening morning.
    As he reasoned it, getting his first buck would have automatically elevated him into the coveted status of
  • SOMETIMES IT PAYS TO read the Sunday comics section of the newspaper. Last Sunday, in “Pickles,” Grampa, who was reading about dogs, remarked to his grandson that “Petting a dog for 15 minutes can lower blood pressure by 10%.”
    Truer words were never spoken. I
  • THERE MAY NOT BE any joy in Mudville, but all over north Wisconsin there is joy in the hearts of all ice fishermen.
    Thanks to winter deciding to settle in early in earnest, a fair number of area lakes already have ice thick enough to venture out on quite safely. Not to say a person should just go tramping out on any given lake without 
  • “THE ICEMAN COMETH.” This is the iceman that brings snow on the ground and early ice on north Wisconsin lakes. This also is the iceman that stirs hot-blooded whitetail bucks to action, chasing does around the woods in a frenzy during late October and well into November.
    Come to think of it, rutting whitetail bucks might be seen about the same as
  • DURING MY SOMETIMES misspent younger days, I firmly believed that the months of October and November were to be reserved solely for the purpose of hunting.
    I hunted nearly every day or at least as often as I could sneak out of the house before my
  • I THINK MOST PEOPLE would agree with me if I were to say that fall is the best season of all and also the most fleeting.
    Spring, summer and winter all bring something to the table that anyone or everyone can enjoy, but to sort of paraphrase a famous circus man “not only can you find some of the people who love fall all of the time or all of the people who love fall some of the time, but you
  • A LITTLE SNOWFALL never hurt anyone. True? People in North Dakota could give you the answer after 20 inches slammed part of that state last weekend.
    A video posted by a resort in
  • WHY IS IT THAT when a person is counting down the days to a much anticipated trip it seems to take about a week for 24 hours to pass by? But when the trip is finally in progress, it takes only an hour for an entire day to pass? That’s the way it was for me on my 10-day annual trip to paradise, otherwise known as the prairie country of
  • SEVERAL TIMES ALONG a path I have followed for more than 60 years of rambling around north Wisconsin, I have learned that you don’t want to mess with cold, near-freezing water.
    Some adventures I’ve been a part of were
  • SOMETIMES, YOU NEED a little craziness in your life. With friends, family and dogs like I have, you would think I would have plenty of craziness in my life. But last week, I actually welcomed, nay encouraged, a little more craziness to accompany me for a day.
    The occasion was an afternoon of
  • I SURVIVED; A JUG of Crown Royal did not. That would be a brief summation of the 50th annual reunion of the 1969 UW-Eau Claire Third East Bridgeman dorm floor inmates that I was a part of last week. Held in Door County for three days, the reunion not only included a few dollops of Crown, but also many other things for which
    When I decided to use the above line as an opener for this week’s column, I first checked on, ugh, the internet to see which music artists most successfully recorded the song with those words in
  • SOMETIMES IN ONE’S life, there are times when you need to find a place where you can be alone with your thoughts. I experienced one of those times last week, when a good friend who was only 68 years old was taken to a higher and better place.
    Born and raised in
  • IT HAD BEEN a while, so the idea of hitting the road for a three-day weekend of camping made great sense to me and my lovely wife.
    With dogs, fishing kayak, camper, and all the various and sundry things campers need for a successful outing loaded up including a carefully cushioned fresh jug of Crown, we turned the truck northwest for
  • WHEN YOU VENTURE outdoors, you never know what you might see.
    I’ve been roaming this north Wisconsin country of ours for two weeks shy of 70 years. Though during the very few first of those years I wasn’t actually doing the roaming, letting my mother’s or my dad’s feet do the walking while I
  • ONE OF THE best books I have ever read, one I treasure and place up there with every anthology of Gordon MacQuarrie stories ever printed is “Trout Madness,” by revered Michigan Upper Peninsula writer John Voelker who wrote under the pen name of Robert Traver.
    After writing the novel
  • “There are places I’ll remember all my life. Though some have changed. Some forever, not for better. Some have gone and some remain. All these places had
  • I MAKE IT a practice to never offer advice to anyone except my children and they generally ignore it anyway. Today, I will offer a piece of advice; a piece of advice I would hope every fisherman would heed.
    Never take an
  • SIXTY-SIX DAYS may seem to be a relatively short period of time, but for me the next 66 days will seem like an eternity. That’s how far away the opening day of North Dakota’s duck and goose season is.
    As that opening day draws nearer and
  • IT’S ALWAYS GOOD TO be a yooper, if only for a day. Last Saturday, my wife and I decided it was our day to be yoopers.
    Our original plan was to head for Black River Harbor in Michigan, hike to most or all of the beautiful waterfalls on the Black River in its final mile or so run to Lake Superior and then to