A WEEK OR so ago, a guy named Bubba, fresh from an extended stay on a bar stool at Buster’s Bar, suggested I ought to write some “how to” articles for big-name outdoor magazines.

You know the kind, featuring Jack Pine Johnny and his secrets for catching 90-pound muskies or Handy Hank’s method of shooting big bucks while holding a full glass of Old Moonshiner without spilling a drop despite a whopper of a kick from a .450-caliber big bore.

“Why, you are the best expert I ever knowed on every kind of huntin’ and fishin’ there is, and yer writin’ is bootiful poetry,” said Bubba.

It occurred to me that most of his high praise was due in large part to the damage he’d so recently done to a jug of Old Moonshiner, but nonetheless, he got me to thinking maybe I should get into the field of writing outdoor expertise stuff.

Problem is, much as I’ve tried to think of something that can be done in the outdoors for which I am a genuine expert, I have yet to come up with a single thing.

Knowing, though, that such ignorance doesn’t stop several thousand other self-proclaimed experts from putting their words to paper for uninitiated rookies to read and foolishly accept as gospel truth, I thought maybe Bubba had something there.

Thinking about it, honest feller that I am, I would not pretend to have any expertise in today’s world of electronics, in use for everything from fishing to hunting to finding gold at the end of a rainbow. You understand, of course, that my expertise with such new-fangled devices begins and ends with a flip phone, a phone with which I can take and make calls, receive text messages and, only recently learned, the art of sending text messages.

Same goes with motors used to send fishing boats flying from one end to the other of our great north Wisconsin fishing lakes in mere seconds. I finally bought my first motor last year, a 30-pound thrust electric motor which I have dubbed my electric oars. It works just fine pushing my 14-foot Old Town around 60-acre lakes, providing I remember that batteries require regular charging. I learned a lesson the hard way this summer that such motors don’t provide much power when attached to a dead battery.

My idea of using a depth finder is restricted to dropping an anchor down where I think a walleye hot spot lies at the end of a rock bar. I mark off 15 feet of rope and if the anchor doesn’t hit bottom, I know I’m somewhat off-kilter. In the interest of full disclosure, my lovely wife has known for years that I am always slightly off-kilter.

Generally, it takes a half-dozen tries to anchor in the right spot and if I don’t do it with that many tries, I generally move to a different part of the lake where it’s only 5 feet deep, where bottom is easily seen and I can be relatively certain I will catch no fish.

When it comes to tying knots to attach fishing lures, I know there are such things as clinch and bloody knots, and something I believe is called a knot’s landing or else a Knott’s Berry Farm, but I have no idea how to tie them. Me, I wrap the end of the line around the rest of the line about eight or nine times, pull the end through a loop and hope against hope that the knot will hold when a 7-inch perch grabs my worm.

On a serious note, there is one outdoor adventure experience at which I have become a genuine expert. That experience is called having fun. Having fun whether any fish are caught or not, you get so much as a single shot at a duck or deer or whatever, or whether or not the day features sunshine or rain.

The best way to have that fun, I have found, is to spend time outdoors doing whatever strikes your fancy; especially spending time with a companion who ranks as a genuine child.

I have found that having a carton of worms you dug together; holding onto a $15, 15-year-old beat-up spinning rod and catching a boatload of bluegills, bass and perch provides more fun than the proverbial barrel full of monkeys.

For even more fun, sit with that child or more than one child, around a campfire telling tall tales about your fishing prowess, toasting a marshmallow or two and feeling the warmth of a good day spent in the outdoors.

For even more fun, include in your outdoor adventures a dog; a highly trained hunting dog, rambunctious puppy or mutt of the Heinz 57 breed. Watch them chase squirrels and chipmunks, feed them a chunk or two of sandwich or most importantly, give them a few scratches behind the ears.

These are about the only things for which I consider myself a qualified expert. Maybe, as Bubba advised, I should write about such things to truly impress people.

If nothing else, you could have some great outdoor fun by using my pages of scribbles to start a campfire, which then would qualify you to become an outdoor expert writer yourself.