Christmas presents presence

“There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment. A man’s whole life is a succession of moment after moment. If one fully understands the present moment, there will be nothing else to do, and nothing else to pursue. Live being true to the single purpose of the moment.”
— Japanese soldier Yamamoto Tsunetomo (1659-1719)

Between the ubiquitous retail Christmas shopping ads on every communication medium known to mankind — I’m sure there’s a blimp over a football somewhere hawking last minute holiday sales on fragrances for the missus at Macy’s — to the familiar old Christmas carols singing cheerily about five-and-tens “glistening once again with candy canes and silver lanes aglow” as “the shoppers rush home with their treasures,” presents and gift-giving are central to the modern Christmas experience — or the generic “holidays” in the current cultural vernacular.
As Lucy Van Pelt noted in the “A Charlie Brown Christmas” TV movie way back in 1965, “Look, Charlie, let’s face it. We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It’s run by a big eastern syndicate, you know.”

And even in 2024, it still seems to be run by the ad execs on Madison Avenue.
Strolling through the gift-giving section at one of the many big box stories along the local commercial sprawl strip that paved paradise and put up a parking lot, I found I couldn’t imagine giving the gifts that were being hawked, much less wanting to be gifted one myself, save perhaps for the eye-catching yet infinitely practical $4.49 “Snack ’n Glass” gift set pairing a PBR logo-emblazoned drinking glass with a longneck-shaped bag of Beer Nuts.
I helped Santa cut to the chase for my stocking stuffer and this year ponied up the $4.49 plus tax. This year, with the rising price of cocoa, it’s a cheaper option than the usual favored chocolates, which are now collectively priced more than a 12-pack of twist-cap longnecks to fill the glass a dozen or more times over. But I digress.
I don’t think anyone in my gift-giving circle needs, much less probably wants, a dedicated double-handled sock monkey hot chocolate mug cluttering the cupboard, much less a gift box array of hot sauces, root beer float or S’mores kits, or a special holiday mega-pack of men’s cologne that will last several inter-generational lifetimes.
In my family, at least, gift-giving boils down to where we all are in our many states of life right now.
My parents and in-laws, all married more than 60 years, have everything they need and are now downsizing.
My in-laws got a head start on my folks several years ago when they sold their longtime ranch home and moved into a small no fuss condo. I get them a practical Christmas gift — kringle from Bendtsen’s in Racine, which they both enjoy. It makes my sweet-toothed father-in-law intensely happy. It disappears quickly and they never fail to offer their heartfelt thanks for the “round coffeecake”
My folks, meanwhile, while still in the home they built in 1978, are downsizing of sorts, jamming my Ford Escape, one visit home at a time, with three generations of accumulated stuff — their stuff, my Nana’s stuff, and my great-grandparents stuff. Every visit is Christmas for them — presents galore for me. I know it’s only a matter of time before I come home with Great-Grandma Aschauer’s carved, marble-pedastaled “Beaulah the Bust,” still holding her hand-chisled lyre after three generations.
Carrying out more often than home-cooking in their 80s, I give them practical gift cards for Jersey Mike’s, Charcoal Grill, Culver’s, George Webb’s and Cousin’s Subs.
At 28, my daughter, once the poster child of the “he who dies with the most toys wins” movement, at least in the areas of clothing and everything kitchen, has recently become a student of Japanese minimalist guru Marie Kondo and is now downsizing her life. If I’m reading my daughter’s Christmas list right, this year only Christmas ornaments are evidently sparking joy.
As for my college student son, living in a tiny apartment and longtime a minimalist, his practical Christmas list included a mop and bucket.
As for my wife and I, 38 years married and empty nesters, we downsized into a condo. She offered up what she called a “lame list,” modest on things and heavy on gifts of “presence” — treat her to a special dinner date out, take her out for coffee and conversation, play a game with her some night or maybe work a puzzle together.
This year, for all those on my gift-giving list, I’m going heavier on presence than presents — the gift of truly being present, paying attention, being there. Paying attention.
Dropping by to help my mother-in-law with the garbage and recycling. Listening to my father-in-law tell his oft-told stories again as if anew. Helping my folks proactively make the downsizing jump they truly need, before necessity thrusts them into it reactively. Being there for my kids as they negotiate the joys and challenges of young adulthood. And checking off some of those presence presents for my wife, for which she truly yearns, as we continue to negotiate that delicate balance between her retirement and my continuing career.
Christmas gift-giving should be about presence over presents. And, of course, it should first and foremost be about THE ultimate gift this holiday season — the real reason for the Christ-mas season.
Eric Johnson can be reached at eric@fyinorthwoods.com.